I'm having one of those days where everything looks bleaker than it really is. Like Jacob I feel like I have been wrestling with God but instead of holding on for the blessing, I've let go too soon and just got an atomic elbow drop to the face. (Yes I watch Ultimate Fighting on occasion, I know what that looks like). Here is the deal...FAITH. Or my lack thereof. I just found out that my dear dear friend who has been battling cancer was just declared in full remission. Yay right? Well, I had already let her go in my mind thinking that God wouldn't heal her. So when He did my jaw dropped and I sat there ashamed that I didn't believe He would in the first place. It's not that I didn't think He could do it but that I didn't think He would. I mean I've been praying for Hannah's complete healing for two years now and it hasn't happened. Why should I presume to ask God to heal something as deadly as ovarian cancer? I am faithfully faithless. Okay maybe that's a tad harsh. If I was totally faithless then I wouldn't be a Christian. But surely you know what I mean? Those hard situations where we have no idea which way it will go so it's easier to assume the worst instead of asking for a miracle? Ever been there? Here is another one for you...try fundraising for missions. And even better try fundraising for missions in the current economic crisis. One word...painful. We are set to get on a plane on Janurary 14th 2009. That is two months away. Roughly 60 days. And we aren't fully funded. How's that for faith building? But instead of my usual drama queen response complete with anxiety, nail biting and the fetal position God drew me into His word. Imagine that...going to the word of God for comfort. Novel idea! In the book of Hebrews in the 13th chapter God lists our "cloud of witnesses". Heros in the faith. This is no name-it-claim-it bunch of yahoos but godly, mature, faithfilled people who took God at His word. And I find such comfort in that. What are you facing today? What situation has you in a half nelson on the mat? (again with the wrestling...I'm married to Dan remember...) What can we do but cry out? Who do we have in heaven? What example do we have in the Word? God is faithfully faithful. His character is stable and His promises are always fulfilled. So for the moment He has given me faith to plod on. And I praise Him because of it. And one more thing...okay two more things: THANK YOU JESUS FOR LINDA'S REMISSION, and I TRUST YOUR PROVISION!
(In writing this I realized that even though God hasn't "fixed" Hannah completely, He has always brought her through each illness. Sometimes His miracles aren't wrought in the way we think they should be but are undeniable nonetheless. And I'm thankful.)
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Gods peace Stan