So I have a teenager living in my home. She is 17 and every other day I love her. Just being honest. She is beautiful and stubborn and lies and does dishes and plays with the kids and sleeps late and disrupts our life and brings joy. It has not been easy.
She and two of her friends just finished their S-4 exams. These are a big deal. Really big. So we decided to take the three of them out for pizza. Here is how it went. Two of the girls sat at the end of the table scowling and not talking. Then the pizza comes and they eat with their mouths open and only want the good pizza and make faces when they don't like the taste of something. To top it off, our teenager takes the last of our favorite kind of pizza. It has gorgonzola cheese on it. Her friend had already rejected it so she decided to try it. She takes a big bite of the cheese, makes a face and runs from the table to vomit around the corner. Awesome.
We get up to leave and not one of them says thanks. These girls don't usually get taken out to a restaurant where they can order anything they want and have soda. But instead of saying thanks they make faces and puke. I was pretty annoyed.
But I have been thinking about this for the past week. Don't I do the same thing to God? He constantly showers me with undeserved love and attention and I roll my eyes and complain that the things He gives me aren't what I wanted. They aren't my taste or preference. Sometimes I take the good things He gives me and basically puke all over them. I rarely say thanks and I always expect more. He has given me things that I never thought I'd have like eternal life, a hope and a future, a husband and kids, a chance to live in Africa, friends that are RAD and pretty decent health. And what do I say? My husband makes me mad, my kids are out of control, it's hard living in Africa, my friends don't understand me.... It's pretty gross.
So in the spirit of Thanksgiving I'm trying to be more thankful. I want to stop seeing all of life as a series of un-met expectations and disappointments and start seeing it as the sublime gift that it is. I want to be thankful for these girls that challenge me to my core and make me face my own ugliness. I want to love freely and well.
Sorry God for the times I'm a jerking jerk face. Sorry for the times I act like a 17 year old who owns the world. Sorry for my demanding petulant ways. I'm greatful.
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