Yes, I am an emotional girl. (Hence the EMO in the title). Some of you know me well and aren't surprised by this. When things don't go my way I tend to get a bit...irrational. Living in Uganda has exacerbated this character flaw in me somewhat. (I know it's more than a character flaw...) There are things here that make NO sense to my Western mind that I have absolutely NO control over. Most days, these things are easy to laugh off but once in a while they build up and I just lose it. Last week was an example of that.
We live on the edge of what most would call a "slum". The power and water service is shoddy at best. Last year we went four days without power or water. I thought that was the worst I'd have to endure up until last week. We went without power for six days. And when it was finally restored it went off again after 20 minutes. In that same time frame our water went off as well for over 24 hours. It was more than I could endure and I had a mild breakdown.
During my frutstration and wallowing I relented and opened my Bible. (Imagine that) I read through Philippians the other night while laid out on the concrete floor trying to seek relief from the heat. (Since the power was off my beloved fans were no use to me) I was reminded again about the suffering that Christ endured and also his disciples. Paul's tribulations put mine to shame and yet he writes Philippians with hope and joy and encouragement. I don't detect the weary acceptance in his voice that I find in mine.
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Phil. 4:11-13
I asked myself, "Can I ever be there? Can I ever really say that?" The verse is a familiar one for most of us but it becomes so much more poignant when I am in the midst of one of my self-induced wallow-fests.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Rejoice. Let your resonablness be made known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:4-7
I laid there on the floor mulling over these verses. Is my happiness completely dependent on my circumstances? Like Paul I should be able to be content in all things because of my relationship with Christ. I went to bed and talked to Dan about these verses and my irritation and he reminded me that when the power is off I am mostly irritated because I can't get on the internet or watch a movie. It disrupts what I think is most important at that moment. I huffed a bit at his rebuke but continued to think about it.
I read a great book called "Practical Theology for Women" by Wendy Alsup. She says this: "Stop envisioning the worst-case scenarios. Stop thinking through all your options to fix it. You don't have to continue down the path controlled by emotions!".
So long story short: the power came back on yesterday along with the water. My emotions were joyfull at the return of these comforts but the lesson is still rolling around in my mind. It 's a good reminder to check our motives and our desires for happiness. Can we say we are content in all things? By God's grace I am learning. My hope is to be like Paul and say, "I know how to read by candlelight and I know how to read by electric light. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing a bucket shower or enjoying a full stream shower when the water is not turned off! I can endure all things through him who strenghtens me!"
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