Team Five Morris

I’ve had many lonely times in my life. More times than I care to admit I have felt left out, not part of a group, a socially inept “hanger-on”. We all remember our teenage years right? I thought those years were the worst and that as a “big girl” now I’d never feel that way again. Well, big surprise…I was wrong. I am in the midst of one of the weirdest and loneliest times in my life. Here I am in Africa. I am living an amazing life fraught with danger, excitement and adventure and a clear directive from God to be here. I certainly felt lonely leaving America, friends, family and familiarity. I got even lonelier during our first few months here. Try being the only white girl and American in an African neighborhood. I felt positively like a freak. I longed for an American female friend. Whenever we’d go to the grocery store I’d relish any “sightings” of a fellow American girl. Someone I could identify with. Someone with whom a quick look could pass between us that said, “yeah, I live here too…I understand.” So when our first team from America came after two months of our arrival I was so excited. They came laden with gifts from the mother land that lifted my sagging spirits. But quickly I began to feel isolated even in the midst of American visitors. The next visitors were veteran missionaries to Africa so their visit really helped me put things in perspective. Since then we’ve made a few friends (American) here in Kampala and had other short term visitors. In fact I’ve counted at least 32 visitors in our short 7 months here. So why do I feel the loneliest when I’m with other Americans? Why do I feel stuck between two incredibly different cultures? Why do I feel like a teenage girl again…completely insecure with people I can no longer identify with? I see short term missionaries everywhere these days doing two week trips to Uganda. I recognize their American look, their North Face backpacks, ipods, cannon cameras and cliff bars and yet in their midst I feel like an alien. But I’m still not at home here in Uganda either. It is such a strange place to be and I’ll admit a little confusing. I’m doing a bible study on Galatians and Beth Moore had this to say: “In the midst of your deepest difficulties, have you ever looked around and thought, ‘Where is everybody?’. Sometimes God reserves the right to withhold others and to pull you aside with Him so that you can experience what David did in 1 Samuel 30:6. “David found strength in the LORD.” She goes on to say this: “There may be few who choose to walk the same road with you.” Oh how I feel that! Not that I am on some elite “missionary road” but just that I am on a different road from most of the people I’ve identified with my whole life. I don’t mean to come across self-pitying and pathetic…or maybe I do. I do know WHO will always be consistent in any culture…Jesus. And I cling to Him more and more. Jesus transcends all culture and brings peace to my troubled heart. “When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul.” Psalm 94:19 As I continue to wade (or wallow) through this strange time in my life please be in prayer for this displaced American. I’m neither here nor there but I am exactly where God wants me. For my American friends, don’t worry! I still love coffee, cheetos and football. For my African friends…I still love beans and rice, kitenges and serving with you. And for my Christian brothers and sisters in both cultures…I still love Jesus! PS I in no way want to offend any short term missionaries by this blog. There is nothing wrong with being identifiable as Americans. I only point out the challenge it is to be pulling away from the culture and see it from the outside. I still LOVE having visitors from America…please don’t misunderstand.