Sumaiya is on her fourth day with us in our house. Lest any of you think how wonderful we are and how selfless this act is for us to house her...read on.
Day 1: We bring Sumaiya home and I push all the misgivings to the back of my mind. The nagging voice keeps saying...”she doesn't speak english!!!!”. Assured of my abilities to quickly master a difficult african language with no grammar rules I shrug and pull out my Luganda dictionary. This will be fun I think to myself. We take Sumaiya with us to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday before heading to Entebbe to pick visitors up at the airport. Again I sit at the restaurant very pleased with myself for having a foster child and I am delighted by her antics. For instance: the waitress brings her a glass of ice water and Sumaiya looks in it and then looks at me and points to the ice and says, “ehhh?”. She has never seen ice before. Then she leans over and says, “sou, sou”, which means she has to go to the bathroom. I take her into the restaurant bathroom and show her the toilet. She looks perplexed. She has never used a real toilet. Again I am amazed at what we take for granted in the USA. I explain with hand motions how to sit and flush and she masters it quickly. While we are eating I was a little disturbed when she tasted something she didn't like and spit it on the floor. Or when she finished her orange she threw the peel across the room to the bushes. (We were sitting outside so it wasn't as bad as you think.) Try explaining to a girl from the village that we don't throw food on the floor.
We arrive at the airport, pick up our friends and come home. By this time it is late and Sumaiya has fallen asleep in the car. When Dan picks her up to bring her in she wakes up crying. We kind of panic but she soon stops and I put her to bed without any more struggles. Again I think to myself...”how fun! We have an African child!”.
Day 2: Sumaiya picks through the fruit granola I've given her for breakfast and even spits some of the fruit out and then puts it in Aiden's bowl as he is eating. Good boy that he is...he doesn't flinch but keeps eating away. I realize that Sumaiya is used to eating three things. Posho, matoke and beans. I only know how to make beans. I make a note to self to not take it personally when she rejects our food. Lillian comes by and makes her posho and Sumaiya is so happy. Food crisis averted. The day grows long and tiring as our house is small and there are now five kids in it all day. Lillian also brings her three year old over everyday while she cleans. So I begin to grow a little annoyed. (Shocking for those who know me I'm sure). Next door is a traditional African Introduction Ceremony where the bride and grooms family meet. The music is blaring so loud we can hardly talk to eachother as we try to visit with our guests. The blaring music and heat of the day combined with five kids running through the house wears on me. Through the day Sumaiya becomes more and more attatched to Dan. She literaly clings to him or hangs from his arm wherever he is. Hannah begins to show signs of jealousy especially when Dan takes Sumaiya with him to buy chapati for dinner and she returns with a piece of chocolate he bought her waving it triumphantly before Hannah's jealous eyes. Hannah breaks down in tears and wants to know when it is her turn to go on a “Daddy Date”.
I tell Dan I need a trip to Tank Hill where we get Italian Gelato for $1 a cup. We all pile in the car. Four kids in back and four adults in the other front and back seats. As we leave the blaring throbbing music next door I begin to relax a little. We all have some gelato which Sumaiya doesn't like. A kid that doesn't like ice cream? Is it possible? As we go to get in the car Sumaiya tries to get in the middle seat instead of the back. I tell her no...all the kids are sitting in back. She gets a death grip on the door handle and won't let go as I try to gently pry her hands off. I show her that is where our guests sit and the kids sit in back. She stubbornly shakes her head no. Dan comes around to try to put her in the back and she crumples to the ground in a fit of tears still refusing. Paul, one of our adult guests graciously gets in the back with Aiden so Sumaiya can sit in the seat she wants. I grow angry and frustrated at her defiance and insist she sits in back. (Okay, in hindsight it was ridiculous for me to do so but the day had been so terrible I just snapped.) By now Ben has gotten in the middle seat with Paul's wife too so Dan tells Sumaiya she can sit there but she has to go around to the other side and not crawl over Phyllis. She again throws herself down when Dan tries to move her. He manages to get her in the car on the other side and we are off. All this time my kids are watching with fascination I'm sure wondering why Sumaiya got away with this display of disobedience. By the time we get home I'm still frustrated. I herd the kids into the bedroom to get ready for bed. Sumaiya is still glued to Dan's side. Hannah wasn't feeling well after the gelato and so Dan tried to pick her up and comfort her in the meantime he had to shrug Sumaiya off his back. She ran outside in a fit and wouldn't come in because she wanted Dan to hold her not Hannah. I began to think...”this is really bad.” So with Hannah crying about her stomach and Ben crying about something (as he usually is) and Sumaiya growing more defiant by the minute I tell them all to get in bed. Hannah gets in our bed, the boys get in their beds and Sumaiya refuses. I point to her bed and say, “Sumaiya...ekitanda.” (which means bed) She shakes her head and refuses. Dan tries and she refuses. She walks down the hallway away from us ignoring us as we call her name. Dan brings her back and again tells her to get in bed. She refuses. I am so frustrated by this point I want to scream. I can't spank her since we are pretty sure her mom has been too harsh. I can't explain or reason with her since she doesn't speak english. Dan leaves to go get our security guard to translate. I decide that no translation is needed, she knows exactly what I'm telling her to do. So I pick her up, prying her fingers from the door jamb and put her in bed. She glares at me a little and slides her legs off the bed so I can't tuck in the mosquito net. I put her legs back up on the bed and she stays this time. I tuck in the net, turn out the light and breathe a huge sigh as I leave the room. The only thought running through my head is, “I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this.”
Day 3: Sumaiya wakes up all smiles like nothing happened and greets me. We have a nice breakfast, which she eats without complaint. Okay, the day might be better. We get ready for church and Sumaiya seems pleasant and happy to go. Lillian and her son show up and I give her a rundown of Sumaiya's behavior the night before and ask her to talk to Sumaiya about it. Lillian shakes her head and says, “That girl is not alone.” (meaning she may be possessed. ) I wasn't willing to call the girl possessed yet but chalk it up to a frightened lonely girl acting out and testing our discipline. Church was nice. We had lunch at the pastor's house. Sumaiya played with other kids. We went home and Dan and Lillian took Sumaiya and Hannah to a prayer meeting with Sumaiya's mom. So I had a quiet house for two hours. Ben and Abraham (Lillian's son) slept and Aiden and I curled up on the couch and read books for two hours.
Dan has begun to slowly detach himself from Suamiya. Not in a mean way but we realize in two weeks she'll be going somewhere else and her attatchment to Dan could be a devastating thing for her to break. We had a nice dinner and fellowship with our friends. Sumaiya and Hannah bathed the African way naked outside with buckets of water. They had fun splashing eachother and giggling. It was so nice to hear. Sumaiya has started to imitate everything we say and it can be soooo funny. We have taught her to say “chicken pot pie” and “what is it man???” which are two of our favorite sayings. To hear her african accent say our slang is so cute. She often follows us around imitating our actions too. She loves to do dishes and her and Hannah were occupied for an hour doing them together. All in all it was a better day. Sumaiya even held my hand a few times and was affectionate.
When bedtime came, she went obediently to bed. We read a few books which she imitated every word and then they all went to bed. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and gratitude for an easier day.
Day 4: I am writing this on day four. This morning I have been thinking hard about what will happen to Sumaiya in two weeks. I don't think her place is with us permanently. I fear we are doing damage by introducing our western living. She may not be content with the way she used to live after living with us. She refused oatmeal this morning which I started to demand she eat but then gave up. She started doing dishes for me this morning and was smiling and sweet. I cannot begin to guess how the next few days will go. This has shown me the depths of my selfishness and my desire for comfort. It would be so much easier not to have her here. But then I think of what she has been through and what she has in store in the future and I am ashamed that I am not more compassionate. This whole experience has really exposed my heart in an uncomfortable way.
So please pray. Pray for patience for me with Sumaiya. Pray that God would help me to love her like He does. Pray that I would give myself up to her needs for the next few weeks. That this time would be one of love for her that might point her to Christ. Pray that a solution would present itself in the next two weeks for where she will live. ( Her dad is a muslim in Jinja but may be her best option as I'm not sure I'll recommend her returning to her mom.) Pray that if God tells us to take her on long term that I would be willing and obedient and joyful. Pray for our kids to be understanding of her needs and be kind. ( So far they've all gotten along except for a few minor issues.) Pray that I would not wallow in my selfishness but see what God is teaching me through this. Pray for Dan and I to be unified as we work with Sumaiya.
Thank you all for your prayers. Sumaiya is alive and well and that is such a blessing. Most kids who go missing here never return to their families. Be in prayer also for her future and her salvation. Thanks to all!
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